And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
