I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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