can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
