I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
