Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
