I'm really into asian looking animals
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
