Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
