A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
