they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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