come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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