i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
