Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
