She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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