he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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