Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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