did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
