I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
