i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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