Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
