I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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