HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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