Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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