when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
