I want to make a zoo with you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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