i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
pray to the hookup gods
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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