PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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