Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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