I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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