Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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