the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
