bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are the jesus of drinking
So vagazzling was a success
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
