shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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