yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Everyone says I win the strip club
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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