she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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