just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
