Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
