Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
