The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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