i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
