my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
