I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
