She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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