Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
