Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
