That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
