He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
