Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i believe in u and ur pee
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
