Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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