if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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