Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
