i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
