There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
