pop tarts are not kleenex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
