Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
