I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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