I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
