Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
