I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
