my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
