I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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