Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
