the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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