Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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