I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
