Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
