you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
