Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
