i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
