i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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