It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
