dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
