i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
