You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
