I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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