This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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