i need an iv and a liver transplant
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
