I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
