I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
